BILLINGS, MT — Megrims, the new addition or subtraction, nobody seems to know for sure,
to the Billings bar scene is set to open its doors next Monday at 8 in the morning.
Black Dog, Down in the Gills, and Blue Devil are among the drinks served, and to half-fill your
gullet, you will have stale chips and burnt popcorn (per city ordinance, this is mandatory).
There are no wings in this place, all the chickens have left the state, and none will return, not
even frozen.
Daily from 6 to 8 p.m., you can suffer through the “Sad Hour,” where you pay for two drinks
and only get one.
You can loathe the karaoke machine in the back, if you can make it work, but tough luck, it
only plays Morrissey’s songs recorded after 2019.
People who have had enough of the Weeping Wall of Two Moon Park can finish their day at
Megrims with a thousand-yard stare and wonder what went wrong.
Locals are divided between cautious interest and total despair, though Montana is far enough
away that the rest of the country will barely notice.
Virginia, a local woman, cannot decide between the bar and the Weeping Wall: “I might never
leave this place! I mean Billings.”
The Fire Department has already reached an agreement to remove patrons when the nature
of the place sinks in among them.
Martin “Forgotten” Laudan, the Fire Department Chief of Billings, said: “Yes, whatever.”
The Sad Bar is located in one of the old tunnels beneath the Rims, which locals say once
carried water. Not anymore. Only Charon awaits at the Gift Shop, where you pay now and
receive a different gift in the mail, with no return envelope.
And if you ever leave the bar, you will have to wash your cups and silverware before departing
to a better place. Hopefully Wyoming, which is not saying a lot.
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Disclaimer: The Mendax publishes satirical articles for humor and commentary. None of the
stories should be taken as factual reporting. If you do, that is on you.
