By James Arnold
The Mendax Politics Desk
Washington, DC — In recent weeks, GOP Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has drawn the ire of Trump and his supporters. She’s now opposing most of the policies of the Administration. This shift was caused by her staff mishandling her yearly reboot and update.
The first sign of concern came at the beginning of October when Greene was seen pacing back and forth in her office mumbling the word “affordability” while looking at a Dollar General coupon booklet. As the day continued, other words were added to her ramblings: healthcare, education, housing. This raised alarms with her staff, who began scrambling to find a solution, calling right-wing think tanks for help.
Later in the day, unbeknownst to her PR team, she sent an email requesting a spot as a panelist on the TV show The View.
During her appearance on The View, the Congresswoman began blinking uncontrollably after being asked about the plight of transgender people in the US. One of her aides carried her away to a dressing room. “Ms. Greene has had a very long day,” he said nervously. Joy Behar later added, “I could see the humanity slowly clawing its way through her eyes before she was taken from us.”
She then boarded a plane to Richmond, Virginia. There, located deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains, is a data center run by The Heritage Foundation® for training and reorientation of future rising stars of the conservative movement.
Initially the procedure worked as planned until a technician noticed that the update was taking longer than the usual couple of hours. He then realized that the connection behind Greene’s right ear was glowing blue instead of the regular red. It was later discovered that due to a shortage of personnel caused by the government shutdown, an unpaid intern used a mislabeled blue packet instead of the regular red one. This revealed that The Heritage Foundation® has an intern exchange program with the Brookings Institution, a prominent left-wing think tank, and one of the blue packets that contain progressive policies might have been smuggled into the facility.
Hakeem Jeffries welcomes this change; he previously called her an “agent of chaos.”
“I wonder how long this episode is going to last,” he said, noting that previous malfunctions have always been contained quickly. “Malfunctions notwithstanding, this one is one for the ages,” he added.
Trump, showing incredible restraint, gave a short statement, “I wish her well” as he was boarding Air Force One.
At press time, GOP leadership was scrambling to return her to factory settings and locating an old profile of Sarah Palin to at least get the Congresswoman going. Her vote will be needed to block a vote in the upcoming Congress session about finally defining what is a woman, something that House Speaker Mike Johnson says will set back the country a thousand years if the bill fails to pass.
Greene has been preparing to join the protests against ICE operations in Chicago and has written a speech that she will deliver in the Windy City next month.
Sources also report that Greene has been seen at the local Barnes & Noble purchasing books, including A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn and The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, among others.
Marjorie was last seen on a farm outside of Rome, Georgia, sitting under the shade of a magnolia tree staring into the distance while blasting Woody Guthrie from a Bluetooth speaker.
Disclaimer: The Mendax publishes satirical articles for humor and commentary. None of the stories should be taken as factual reporting. If you do, that’s up to you.
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