By Prince Brosnan
The Mendax Hollywood Correspondent
Hollywood, California — After failing to pass the California Bar Exam on her latest attempt, Kim Kardashian is setting her sights on a different industry: private investigations focused on stolen art. While scrolling through her Instagram feed, an old post from her Met Gala appearance in 2018 popped up to remind her that she helped recover an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus after posing for a photo with it during the event. The sarcophagus, stolen in 2011, was finally recovered in 2019 after an analysis of the 2018 Met Gala photo led authorities to the location of the artifact.
“This transition is a natural one for me,” she said while looking for office space. “I’ve always been surrounded by art and questionable people.”
Kardashian is in talks with several Hollywood luminaries to join the agency, tentatively named KK Partners.
“We are trying to get Nic Cage and Harrison Ford on board,” she continued, “two great investigators who have a proven track record when it comes to recovering priceless artifacts in the most difficult circumstances.”
Kardashian wants to follow in the footsteps of another great investigator, René Russo, from The Thomas Crown Affair, a movie that she knows from a few short clips she’s seen on TikTok. In the movie, René Russo’s character specializes in the recovery of highly valuable pieces of art and historical artifacts.
“I love how she was trying to capture James Bond in that movie,” she said while on the phone with the Bureau of Security and Investigative Services of California.
At press time, she was researching the requirements for opening her private investigations agency and added that this time, she would convince ChatGPT to help her pass the private investigator exam, which is required to obtain a license in California.
“This time I’m definitely paying for the ChatGPT Plus subscription,” she said excitedly. She then added, “If you can fix a problem with money, it’s not really a problem.”
Disclaimer: The Mendax publishes satirical articles for humor and commentary. None of the stories should be taken as factual reporting. If you do, that’s on you.
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