Marjorie Taylor Greene Moves to the Left After Mishap During Yearly Reboot
A mishandled yearly reboot sends Marjorie Taylor Greene drifting sharply to the left, alarming GOP leadership and delighting confused progressives.
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Kim Kardashian to Launch a Detective Agency After Helping Recover an Egyptian Sarcophagus
After failing the Bar Exam, Kim Kardashian sets her sights on a new profession: art recovery detective. Inspired by The Thomas Crown Affair and her viral Met Gala photo, she’s ready to bring style and contour to crime solving.
Man Accidentally Takes Wrong Elderly Woman Home After Last-Minute Thanksgiving Run
During a hectic Thanksgiving morning, a San Antonio man made a quick run to H-E-B and accidentally brought home the wrong elderly woman. Both families later agreed it was the best Thanksgiving in years.
Fort Ringgold Converts Pool into Water Park With Car Wash, Dollar General, Unmarked Building
In true Rio Grande Valley fashion, city leaders have unveiled a plan to transform Fort Ringgold Pool into a full “water park” — complete with a 24-hour car wash, a new Dollar General, and a mysterious unmarked building that nobody seems to want to talk about.
Son’s Homework Session Annihilates Father’s Success Story
A Houston father’s confidence crumbles during a simple fifth-grade homework session, revealing to his son—and to himself—that his success might have been pure luck all along.
Marvel Studios Summons Actual Demon After Determining Real Hell Fire Cheaper Than CGI
In a drastic cost-cutting measure, Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige has bypassed VFX artists entirely, summoning an actual demon to provide authentic hellfire for the next Ghost Rider film. The demon, Barbatos, is represented by CAA.
DHS to Deploy Pokémon Training Units in Portland After ICE Video Backfires
Kristi Noem and DHS turn to Nintendo and real-life Pokémon training to handle ICE raids gone weird. Freedom Balls incoming.
TPUSA Accidentally Books ‘The Office’ Star Creed Bratton Instead of Rock Band Creed for Alternate Super Bowl Halftime Show
Turning Point USA wanted the band Creed for their anti-woke Super Bowl halftime show — but somehow ended up with Creed Bratton from The Office. That’s not even the weird part.
U.S. to Launch Genetic Program to Help AI Draw Human Hands
The U.S. government wants to help AI draw hands — by genetically modifying humans to have fewer fingers. Because apparently that’s cheaper than fixing the code.
Wisconsin Residents Must Identify Ten Cheeses to Renew Driver’s License
In an effort to separate true Wisconsinites from the curdless pretenders, state authorities haveannounced a new requirement for driver’s license renewal: Know your cheese or get out!Operation Pasteurized ID will test residents on their ability to identify at least ten cheeses bytaste, sight, and texture.Lactose-intolerant citizens may apply for an exemption, but must still take…
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